Back To The Start
by Darling Pretty
Summary: Five little words are all that it takes for her to fall for him all over again. Addison/Alex. Oneshot.


**Meh, it's not my best, but it wanted writing, so I wrote it. Hope you enjoy it anyways!**

**I own nothing.**

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_Because he was rude to you._

Six little words are all it takes for her to fall for him. Hard.

_I'd notice._

Two little words are all it takes for her to think that she might be able to fall in love with him. Fast.

_You're not my girlfriend._

Four little words are all it takes for her already cracked porcelain heart to shatter into a million tiny pieces.

And the hits just keep coming. These past two years in Los Angeles have been some of the worst of her life. All she wants is someone to help her forget that pain and she can't. Every new injury just leads her right back to those four little words. Her friendships seem to be unraveling at the seams. And just to top it all off, her father is a manwhore and her mother is in love in with another woman. There are days when she can't see the point of getting out of bed. She does but she doesn't want to.

So now it's two years since those four little words. And she still finds that her mind still wanders back to _I'd notice _and _You're not my girlfriend_ and she hates it. Absolutely hates it. She just wants him out of her head.

She's lying in bed when the doorbell rings. She gets up, glances down at the ratty t-shirt and running shorts, and goes to the door anyways. Eh, it's not like it's going to be anyone important.

Except it is. Because it's the guy that she's been trying to get out of her head for the past two years. Oh. Ha.

She kind of wishes that she had changed clothes.

"What the hell?" she asks. His mouth opens and shuts. She raises an eyebrow. There's an awkward moment. "Well?"

"I'm sorry," he blurts.

Another eyebrow raise. "I'm not following," Addison admits slowly.

"I'm sorry. About everything," he says jerkily.

"Helpful." Her voice drips sarcasm.

"Look, I was lying. Before."

This confession is met with absolute silence.

"Addison…"

"It's been two years, Alex. I don't- I don't know what you're trying to do but you missed your chance."

"Addison-"

"No, Alex!" she cuts him off. "It's been two years! You don't get to just show up and say perfect things and all of a sudden have it be okay! It's not okay! It won't ever _be _okay!"

"I _know _that!" he says. "I just… never mind, this was stupid." He turns around and starts to walk away.

"Alex." He turns around when she says his name. "What- what were you going to say?"

He takes a breath. "I miss you," he answers simply. She flinches slightly but doesn't say anything so he continues. "You went missing and I noticed."

"It's been two years," she whispers. "Where were you?"

"I made some mistakes," he admits slowly. "You, of all people, know I do that a lot."

"Is Izzie Stevens one of them?"

"You know about that," he says, with a little nervous laugh.

"Yeah," she replies, giving him a half smile. "Do you realize where you work?"

"Right…" There's an awkward pause as he decides if he's going to say what needs to be said. "It's the second worst decision I've made."

"What's the first?"

"Not coming after you."

Her hand comes up to cover her mouth as she takes a ragged breath. Tears glisten in her eyes but don't fall. "What?" he asks.

"Your timing sucks," she says.

"What?"

One tear manages to make it past her will power. But she closes her eyes, guarding herself from seeing his reaction as she announces, "I'm engaged, Alex."

It's only then that he notices the ring on her finger. "Oh, I, uh… sorry." Once again, he turns around and walks away.

"Alex!" she calls. This time he doesn't turn around.

0ooo0

She doesn't go into work that day. She can't face her friends. She can't face _him_. Not right after Alex Karev has shown up and tried to make things right.

There's a period of silence where she doesn't even move, just stares at the ring on her finger.

And then there's another knock on her door. She debates not getting it, since answering the door is what got her into this mess in the first place. But she gets up and does.

A strange sense of déjà vu washes over her when she sees Alex Karev standing there again. "Yes?" she manages to get out before his lips crash down on hers. She kisses back but then pulls away. It takes some major will power and she has to talk herself into it. "What are you doing?"

"Look, I know that I've treated you badly and I hate that, but can you tell me that you respond like that when he kisses you?'

"Don't," she pleads.

"Addison-"

"No!" she interrupts. Those tears that she didn't cry earlier make a reappearance. "I can't! I can't say that. But Alex, he was _there_! This year has been _awful_ and he was there! I needed _you_ and he was there! Where were _you_? I needed you!" At this point she's sobbing.

His jaw tightens and he clenches his fists, trying not to reach out to her. But it fails and he hugs her. "I needed you," she repeats.

When she calms down, he lets go of her. And even though it hurts to say it, he means it when he tells her, "You're right. I wasn't there. I want to be now. But, whatever you choose, I just want you to be happy, Addison."

She wipes her tears away. "I'm sorry," she says.

"I hope he makes you happy," he says and means it.

"Alex-"

He smiles a little lopsided grin to help hide the fact that he's hurting. "You deserve it."

Before she can reply, he's gone.

And she goes back into the house again, only now she's even _more _confused. Oh dear God, she could kill that man for the way he plays with her emotions.

It's been two years. That's two years too late. Too little, too late. It's not okay for him to come waltzing back into her life, thinking that a few words will just make everything better. Because they don't. They can't.

But how can she get married knowing that she will never react the way she did when he kissed her today? Why did it feel so right?

She doesn't even know how to get in touch with him. She doesn't know if she even will. But she looks down and sees the ring sitting unobtrusively on her finger. And all of a sudden, she wants nothing more than for it to be off.

She might not ever call Alex. But she slides the ring off and places it on the table and that's the right decision.

_Because he was rude to you._

Six little words are all it takes for her to fall for him. Hard.

_I'd notice._

Two little words are all it takes for her to think that she might be able to fall in love with him. Fast.

_You're not my girlfriend._

Four little words are all it takes for her already cracked porcelain heart to shatter into a million tiny pieces.

_I hope he makes you happy._

Five little words are all it takes for her to fall for him all over again.

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**Thanks for reading!**

**-Juli-**


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